Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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