I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i will never coherently bang her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
