I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
