What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
