Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
