whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
