wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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