and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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