she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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