You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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