My hand turned me down
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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