btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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