I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
