Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
