Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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