trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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