You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
