weddingsv make me drug and hornr
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
