Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
