why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
