p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
