Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
