I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize