Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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