Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
