Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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