I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
