So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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