I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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