Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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