Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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