She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
