I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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