Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
