i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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