Sorry, I don't speak sober.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
