Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
