so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
