Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want is dick and wine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
