i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
