everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
