is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
