Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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