What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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