Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
