youre lurking in front of me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
