I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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