how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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