Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
