They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
