So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
