the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
