i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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