remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
