i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
