this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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