Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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