i can't believe i had my finger in that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
