Can Purell be used as lube?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
