My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
