moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
