apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
