I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
