First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
