Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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