We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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